Soooooo, how're things?

Oh, hey you guys! How are you doing? Yeah, I know you haven't seen me in a while. NO ONE'S SEEN ME*. I have no real excuse for not posting except that--

a.) I am not famous or important or rebelling against a Middle Eastern dictator, so, like, who was gonna be reading it anyways?

b.) Awards season

c.) There have been a lot of pop songs released recently, y'all. That's, like, a million hours I have to spend bopping around my apartment and running errands while listening to "Born this Way" and "TTWE" on constant repeat on my iPod every week. Huge responsibility, I know, but someone has to do it.

d.) I am lazy

So, updates...life is ok. Indian Doctor Girl and Indian Engineer Roommate found out that they will be spending the next three years in San Francisco (!) so, yeah, all you SF residents can stop your gloating aaaaaaany time now. I'm really going to miss them both, but who knows...maybe I will end up in SF sometime in the near-ish future? ;) There are certainly more roles available there than in New York at work!

Speaking of my job, things are about the same as usual - "meh." The dreaded performance review period (*shudder*) is upon us again, which is always hell, but I'll get through it. This is actually the first cycle in a long time when I don't have to run 3 or 4 sessions - only 2 this round, which is a huge relief. There's something to be said for being slightly more advanced in the org and having dedicated clients, I guess. My Tokyo work trip was canceled for obvious reasons, so now my training program is sending a bunch of us to the U.K. the first week of May, which should be interesting. There's actually going to be a lot of travel coming up in the next couple of months, both work- and life-related...don't be surprised if you get random pings/calls from me when I'm in your city :)

I sort of dropped the 30-day reset, but I am going to take it up again, but not here on my blog. I'm pretty sure I don't want all 2.5 people who've ever read this to see some of that stuff. In all seriousness, however, I do think that part of the reason I stopped posting for a bit is because all that introspection was getting a little heavy and I didn't want to really share it here, which I'd pledged to do. So my decision is to keep going, but I won't use this space to talk about it. I think I'll feel safer that way, because it was honestly getting to the point where I was almost having a little anxiety attack each time I thought about posting. Once I made the decision not to do the reset here, though, the block lifted. Also might have something to do with Miss Cleopatra Jones's awesome blogging of late serving as my inspiration, however.

Outside of work, things have been nuts - Indian Doctor Girl had her penultimate rotation here in NYC last month and I feel like almost every night was a party lol. Thank goodness I had my personal trainer; otherwise I would have gained 15 pounds from alcohol alone! As it was, I remained stable in terms of weight, but I do feel SO much better, endurance- and strength-wise. I can also see some progress in my arms and legs - they're more toned and slimmer, thank goodness. This month I want to punch up my healthy eating and get my weight down - the wedding in May is getting closer every day and now that I have my saris in my closet it's become painfully clear that my stomach is going to have to be a focus point haha. Regardless, I am so happy with my decision to do training. It's a surefire way to ensure that I work out hard and on a regular basis. I really recommend it if you have a way to do it at all, even for a few sessions.

I've been on a couple of okCupid dates, one of which sucked hard and was super-awk, and the other of which was fun. However, Fun Guy has 2 flaws: 1.) he reminds me a little *too* much of my little brother, which is weird, and 2.) he hasn't called me back yet to set up our second date. Sooooo we'll see what happens there. In general, I've been thinking about it and while it's effective in terms of actually getting dates, I don't know if I love the online dating thing. The problem is, in a city as impersonal and huge as NYC, I really have no other way to meet anyone...but ugh it's just weird with the profile and the email messages and the whole thing. I don't know. If anyone has any suggestions for how to actually meet people in real life I am totally up for them.

Ok I've probably bored you to death, reader, so I'll leave you with this piece of advice: if you download ONE song from Britney's new album, download "Trouble for Me." So. Freaking. Good.

Peace :)

*Inside joke for those of you in a certain group in college. Apologies to all others.

As usual, I am already behind...

I'm already amazing at this blogging/31dayreset thing - except for the fact that I cannot seem to keep up with my daily assignments already, ha. So this is gonna be a doozy, my friends - THREE days in one! I have no excuse except that a.) I'm lazy, and b.) I have access to my mother's Netflix account and there is still a whole season of Psych available for instant viewing that I haven't seen. It's a real problem. James Roday is funny, y'all.

Day 2's assignment was a Life Assessment (dun dun DUN). I was a bit scared at first, but once I started writing it actually felt cathartic to get this stuff out.

Essentially, you're supposed to list what you truly love and hate about seven aspects of your life:

• Lifestyle (satisfaction with where you live/living environment, how you spend your leisure time these days)
• Work (satisfaction with where you work right now, what you do to earn your living)
• Education (satisfaction with your educational attainment to date - college, vocational school and other learning goals)
• Finances (the current state of your budget/money management, salary, net worth, debt-to-income ratio)
• Health (the current state of your mental, physical and spiritual health - mind, body, soul)
• Family (the quality of your relationships with family members, siblings, children)
• Relationships (the quality of your relationships with friends and romantic partners)

While nothing below will likely surprise anyone who knows me well, it is useful to write them down...

Lifestyle

• LOVE: I've finally grasped the work/life balance thing, and I feel that I have more free time than I did even 6 months ago. I enjoy having the time I need to see my friends, read/write/watch things on various screens, and just vegetating.
• HATE: Now that I've figured out w/l balance to a certain extent, I ask myself, "Dear Self, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YOU LOSER?!?" I'm always worrying that I don't spend enough time on the right things and sometimes I just feel bored. I want to do more fun activities that I actually enjoy during my leisure time, and I need to keep busier with activities that bring me joy.

Work

• LOVE: I have a well-paying job at a GREAT company that allows me to live pretty well. The degree of difficulty of my job is extremely low, especially considering I have no real "skills" other than liking to read and speaking some French. I also really enjoy my immediate coworkers who are great people :)
  
• HATE: I mean, I do HR. This job requires zero creativity and passion on my part. A well-trained and presentable monkey could do it. Also, a lot of the people who are, ahem, "deciders" are disingenuous and/or morons. So...yeah.

Education

• LOVE: I went to a great school and got a great, if not particularly marketable, education. I am somehow now qualified to do work in the corporate world and get paid pretty well for it. Go figure.
  
• HATE: It would be nice to have an actual marketable skill. Like, I speak French, but...who...cares? Other than the French? A higher degree would be satisfying as well.
  

Finances

• LOVE: I have money to pay the bills and put something away every months. I feel like if I lost my job tomorrow, I'd be ok for a good while. It's a good feeling.
• HATE: I do have some lingering student debt to pay off, but if I keep up my current payments I should be done within the next 1-2 years, which isn't bad at all. Also - I do not like throwing money down the black hole which is rent. I'd like to own something (like, a house) sooner rather than later.
  

Health

• LOVE: This is kind of hard. I guess, objectively, my physical health is not that bad - my numbers (glucose, bp, etc. etc.) are all pretty good, and I don't have any serious physical health problems other than needing to lose some weight (like most of America) and get more active.
• HATE: My mental health has always been and will always be a struggle. I'm doing the best I can but it's hard fighting against genetics, especially during the winter when it's almost like fighting through a thick fog to stave off serious depression. Physically, I really do need to get into better shape. I used to be able to run 4 miles a day - can't do that anymore. I want to get back there!

Family

• LOVE: I love my immediate family and they are fantastic people. My mother is my best friend :) My brother is a hilarious, inspiring person, and my dad is one of those extraordinary people who knows so much it astounds you. I know they will always be there for me, no matter what. I also have good relationships with a few of my cousins, one of whom is one of my best friends.
  
• HATE: Besides my nuclear family and a few cousins and aunts and uncles, my extended family is pretty much shit. From my alcoholic, narcissistic grandfather to my born-again Christian missionary cousins with the endless cycle of pregnancies, I have zero relationship with these people. Nor do I really want to.

Relationships

• LOVE: My friends feel to me like an extension of my nuclear family - no matter what I say or do, they will always be there for me and will never judge me.
  
• HATE: I would like to have a S.O. (yeaaaaahhhh, boooyyzzz) and feel a bit lonely in that regard. I mostly hate that I usually talk myself out of any opportunity to obtain one - I've got commitment and trust issues up the wazoo. Whatever a wazoo is.

Now for Day 3: Identifying my values.

Below is a list of all the values I wrote down, in the order in which they came to me:

• Power/Agency
• Meaning
• Knowledge
• Family
• Friends
• Love
• Health
• Contentment
• Comfort/Stability
• Creation

To be entirely truthful, I added "agency" to the first bullet because "power" looked kind of scary sitting on the page all by itself. But I also think the qualifying value is important because that first value doesn't mean that I want to enslave Middle-Earth from atop Mount Doom or anything - I just want to have the ability/independence/authority to do, to a certain extent, what I want to do without being afraid or considering others' reactions or thoughts.

The other value I feel the need to comment on is "creation." I'm not donating money to one of those museums that show humans and dinosaurs co-existing - I mean I think that *making* something in my life, something tangible, is important to me. I want there to be some record of me when I'm gone - something my children can point to and say, "She did that." Again, it's narcissistic, but it's how I feel.

Finally, Day 4's assignment is twofold. To quote from Rosetta's lovely assignment email:

"Part 1: Am I Currently Living Out My Values?

Now that you're clear on what you really care about, you want to compare your values to how you're currently living your life. For each value that you identified in your "Reset 10", rate yourself from 1-10 on how you feel you're acting out that particular value in your life. Be honest with yourself - it's the only way to be able to improve upon the life you're living now to the life you want to be living in the future!

Part 2: What Do My Values Look Like in Action?

For each value that you identified in your "Reset 10", list out at least three actions that you currently take or that you should be taking in order to honor and fulfill that value in your life. What kinds of things would you be doing if you were living in full accordance with your values? What would it really look like for you to be able to rate yourself as a "10" on how you live out all your values?"

So, pretty self-explanatory, but hard, right? Below are my ratings and actions.

Power/Agency: Rating - 4
Actions: Stop consulting my family on my life decisions, do something I've always wanted to do (like audition for a show or a group or something wild) without thought to consequence or others' opinions, speak up to colleagues/bosses at work when things are not going the way I need them to
Meaning: Rating - 2
Actions: Find an enjoyable way of volunteering and DO IT, do the 31dayreset (ha! I'm good on that one!), learn about a new philosophy and try to incorporate parts of it into my daily living
Knowledge: Rating - 7
Actions: Continue to learn new skills (@ work - programming for instance), read a non-fiction book a month, become more conversant in current events and policy issues
Family: Rating - 6
Actions: Reach out to some estranged family members who have gone through a tough time, do NOT contribute to family negativity regarding some family members, do something nice for a random family member (card/letter/email) once per month
Friends: Rating - 7
Actions: Keep in better touch with my friends who live far away, make a new friend in NY outside of my current circles, spend time truly listening to friends who need help
Love: Rating - 0
Actions: This has to do with romantic love, of which there is currently none in my life lol. I need to go out on DATES, not judge people based on superficial matters, get back on OkCupid, smile more, realize that I am worth loving, and try not to ruminate on possible future disaster scenarios where I am left crying in the rain somewhere while the one man I opened myself up to is off with his new model-turned-UN Goodwill Ambassador wife.
Health: Rating - 4
Actions: work out for at least 30 minutes per day, eat more vegetables and fruits, STOP drinking soda, get into a normal sleep regimen, lift weights
Contentment: Rating - 4
Actions: Be more grateful for what I have, think of others first, say my mantra every day and believe it
Comfort/Stability: Rating - 6
Actions: be better with my finances and save a bit more, consider where I might want to invest in real estate, call my financial advisor at Schwab and put together a plan
Creation: Rating - 5
Actions: write in this blog regularly, write something (anything!) for at least 10 minutes per day, including songs, finish and revise that screenplay I wrote 2/3 of 2 years ago, follow through on one of my many half-baked novel ideas and try to get it published

PHEW. Looking at that, all I can think is - JESUS, I have a lot to do! However, a lot of these things can actually be done - they really can!

Ok, so that's it for tonight. Maybe tomorrow, in addition to talking about the reset I can actually write about something else too!

Thanks to all 1.5 of you who read this for bearing with me...I hope you enjoy.

<3