I just can't anymore you guys. I cannot.

Seriously, guys.  I just can't with these people.  I know we're supposed to be calm, and collected, and engage in serious debate, but I just...no wonder people go rage-y on the news and in comment boards.

Last night, Texas went all to shit and it's no surprise, considering the progress of things in Ohio and Wisconsin of late.  People yelled, and tampons were confiscated, and shitty people gloated, and I went to bed early because I Just. Cannot. Anymore.

People love to employ the trope of the "angry feminist."  And sometimes, we feminists make it easy, because we are angry.  GUYS, WE ARE SO ANGRY I CANNOT EVEN TELL YOU.  We are angry because no matter what progress is made, hatred, devaluation, exploitation, and belittling of women is still everywhere.  Even in America.  It's in workplaces, and doctor's offices, and government chambers, and homes, and schools.  It's in the act of walking down the street near my home in San Francisco at 7 pm when it is still light out and being called a "cunt" because I won't smile at the drunken homeless man on the corner who makes a lewd comment.  And last night, it was in the actions of the Texas state senate, which not only passed a bill that will (if enacted) severely restrict TX women's access to safe and legal abortions, but also refused to entertain amendments that would otherwise help women and families (sex education improvements, funding to update clinics, exceptions to the bill for women's health).  If you care about or even remotely like women and the quality of their health care, you do not pass this bill and you certainly don't reject all amendments out of hand that would improve women's lives.  So yeah, we're angry.  When people are detested and held down because of their skin color or ethnic background or which set of reproductive organs they possess, they tend to get fucking angry.

I get that people don't like abortion and vehemently oppose it.  I get it!  You know what?  I don't like abortion either!  It sucks!  It's a traumatic process, and is usually being performed because of less-than-ideal (unwanted pregnancy due to BC failure or lack of BC, no financial or other resources to birth or raise a child) or outright tragic (serious birth defect, result of rape or incest, mother going to die) circumstances.  However, if human history, medical science, and common fucking sense are any indication, its existence is critical to the overall health of the female population.  If you are not a woman choosing to get one, it is also (according to the Supreme Court and, you know, personal autonomy) none of your fucking business.  

So why do so many conservative lawmakers make it their business?  Do they really think our idea of a fun Saturday is to head to the abortion clinic with our gal pals with the theme to Sex and the City playing on our iPods?  Do they think we all have those cards like you use at Panera: "Get nine abortions and your tenth is free?!"  I know they don't care about kids, because once they're born many extreme conservatives would rather let them die of a preventable illness than pay a bit more in taxes to get them affordable health care.  I know they don't care about life because they refuse to support reasonable gun control laws and love executing incarcerated criminals.  So my conclusion is that, if they're men, they really just hate us.  If they're women, they really just hate themselves.  

So what do I, a woman with a brain, do in the face of such hatred?  I give up on tolerance and calmness of manner.  I just don't care anymore; I can't care and be measured, because it is damned exhausting.  I don't respect your views, and I don't respect you.  You hate me because of mine, and also (mainly) because I have a vagina.  So why the fuck should I turn the other cheek?  What the hell: I hate you too. If you are anti-choice, go fuck yourself.  Or die.  Whatever works. Because I. Just. Can't. Anymore. You. Guys.

WARNING WARNING RANT IMMINENT

So, it's hot out and the thunder outside is thundering its ass off, and my stomach hurts, and I decided to have a drink anyways hoping it might help my stomach - which was just so not a good idea - so I figured it was a good a time as any for a RIDICULOUSLY ANGRY RANT.

The basis for my rant is as follows: the world is generally shitty for women and it sucks hairy balls. Some cases in point(s?):

Companies that sell expensively disheveled clothes to hipsters think that a board of directors that is all white and all male is not indicative of a diversity problem. Or, you know, not even just a generally shitty idea when you're selling clothes to HIPSTERS.

A prominent FEMALE doctor thinks women should "think twice" before becoming doctors, because they are selfish bitches who dare to ask for time off to give birth and go to the occasional PTA meeting.

This bullshit. Don't even get me started.

Also, I read this book, Unnatural Selection, a couple weeks ago and it's been depressing me ever since. Basically, its premise is that the third world is extra-fucked (or not, depending on who you are) because there is a dearth of women due to sex-selective abortion and female infanticide that will increase violence and bride-buying and forced prostitution in some of the world's most volatile regions. GREAT.

So basically, here's where we are: it's 2011. We had a viable female candidate for the presidency of the United States, women are graduating from college in record numbers, women make up the majority of the Western workforce, and yet we are still fucked. It doesn't seem to matter, honestly, how much we succeed, we're always fucked up the ass. We learn science and go to school and become doctors? We're betraying the profession because we expect maternity leave so we can, you know, perpetuate the species. We go into business and sales and move up the ranks? We have to prove, once we reach a certain (read: childbearing) age that we are still serious about our jobs and haven't deteriorated into fat, soft, simpering baby-making machines. We run for President? We have to justify our damned pantsuits (THEY. ARE. FUCKING. PRACTICAL. OK?) and the fact that our husbands were fucking, well, everyone behind our backs because this somehow reflects badly on us. We're too pretty?, Well, then we must be dumb and can't be taken seriously. We're not pretty enough? Well, then, we should just fucking kill ourselves, I guess because we're not worth the space we take up on the planet unless guys want to fuck us.

I know that my grand total of three readers will most likely agree with me as I believe they are all women and gay men (I don't actually include my mother in this because she will object to the amount of swear words in the post), but I just want to say for the internet to hear that the belief that women are no longer second-class citizens, even in the U.S., is a bald-faced lie. And it really pisses me off because, at this moment in time, I really can't see how to fix it. Sigh. The end.

XOXO!

So entirely over the roommate selection thing...

Warning: Mild-to-moderate elitism and/or bitchiness to follow

The time has come: Indian Engineer Roommate and Indian Doctor Girl are like totally almost married, and Indian Engineer Roommate is moving out so he can go set up house in SF. Thus begins the epic saga of FINDING ANOTHER ROOMMATE.

The craigslist ad was posted today and we saw our first interested applicant tonight, a fair young man right out of school with the face of an angel and the intelligence of a Jersey Shore cast member (Sample gem: "Oh, so you guys have taco nights. What's taco night?"). He claims that he works in physical fitness with another job in advertising. We thought it odd that someone working in advertising would need a second job so we used the power of the Google and the Facebook to find him online. Turns out he is in advertising as he possesses certain assets that allow him to effectively advertise many products. And by assets I mean his ASS.

Dude is a male model. The kind that gets naked a lot. All over the internet. And that's fine - but why did he lie about it? Advertising? Really?! I didn't think you were sketchy (just dumb as shit) but now I do! Add to that the fact that your parents will "totally cosign" and you can give us "everything in cash tomorrow" - how do we know you're not also a drug dealer and an escort? Ok, so, maybe I did think you were sketchy...whatever I'm not living with you. Also, you're a model. You never ate a damned taco in your life. In any case, tomorrow we're holding an invite-only open house and praying that this guy - yes, THIS GUY, who had his ASSISTANT email us, no joke - doesn't somehow find out and show up.

Which brings me to my ultimate point: I NEVER want to have to deal with this roommate search shit ever again. I want to sign my own damned lease for my own damned apartment that I select with the counsel of NO OTHER HUMAN BEING, ANIMAL, MINERAL, OR GOD IN EXISTENCE. Don't get me wrong, I love my current roommates, but this is the last time I am ever going through this. I cannot wait to have a home; a place where I know I can always go, provided I keep paying the rent, without considering or even thinking about anyone else. The next time I live with someone, he will be the man I'm engaged or married to. End of discussion.

Ok, well, I'm exhausted and my computer is dying so that's probably a sign. I fervently pray to the gods that tomorrow is the end of the search and that we don't have to settle for Mr. America's Top Idiot Model - keep you posted.

So apparently, we're still in high school. GREAT.

So this week, I got told on for saying that I wouldn't be able to attend my boss's ex-boss's summer barbecue. On a Saturday, 2 hours away from my apartment. By bus.

A coworker asked me if I was planning on going, and I said, no, probably not, explaining about the whole Saturday/2 hour/bus thing.

So what does she do? She emails my boss who is OUT ON MATERNITY LEAVE and TELLS ON ME. My boss proceeds to email me to pressure me to go, and I have to awkwardly explain why I can't (or rather, won't). But come on - are you fucking kidding me? Are we thirteen? I mean, you're like 33 and married, lady - and you're going to run and TELL ON ME to the boss-lady?!

Also, where in my original offer letter does it state that I have to sit on a smelly bus for 2 hours on a Saturday to attend an awkward barbecue IN JERSEY held by a man I NO LONGER WORK FOR where I would be a.) the only person there under the age of 30 and b.) the ONLY person there without a boyfriend, husband, or several young children in tow?! I don't remember that particular clause.

Just kidding. But seriously, what will I get if I devote yet another day of my week to my job by going all the way to the middle of nowhere to suck up to my recent new-mom boss? Am I going to get my recently suspended overtime hours back? (This was my "reward" when I got promoted - working the same amount of hours but for less pay, because now I'm "salaried." Nice, huh?) No? Oh, I'm just going to get awkwardly ogled by aforementioned boss's ex-boss in front of his wife? And subtly criticized by my boss, who apparently thinks I can't wait until I'm married and in my 30s to have a bitchy passive-aggressive mother-in-law? And forced to bounce the small, sticky children of my coworkers on my knee while chugging rum-and-cokes to dull the emotional pain of my life? Methinks I am OUT, my friends. OUT.

Instead, I am going to dinner and movie with my roommate and some of her/my (I think I can call at least one of them "my" at this point) friends, including the guy she used to date but is still obviously in love with and who has never met any of her friends before. Still a tiny bit awkward, but at least we're all hovering around 25 and don't have to hire a babysitter to watch the kids. Also, we're staying in Manhattan. And while I won't get any brownie points at work, I will get to see District 9 which I am SO PSYCHED ABOUT. The reviews look amazing. Maybe I'll try writing one of my own here after I see it - an interesting exercise.

Ok, well, now that I've bitched and moaned about the ridiculous social pressure at work, I should be off to bed (or, to be honest, more browsing of entertainment sites GAH MY LIFE, WHAT AM I DOING WITH IT?). Later.

Kelly Clarkson's weight controversy = ME ENRAGED (and also introspective)

I spend about an hour every day browsing entertainment websites, and my self-esteem and ability to control my feminist rage are both suffering. Our country is seriously out of control.

The primary focus of my rage is the whole Kelly Clarkson thing. Now, I LOVE Kelly Clarkson. Love, love, love her. Seen her in concert three times, have all the albums, etc. But I can admit to the world here on the interwebs that, yes, she has noticeably gained weight. She's looked thinner. Fine. My question - why, oh why, do people on the internet positively hate her for it? And why do these same people feel the need to use her weight gain as an excuse to make hateful comments about all perceived "fat" people, as if being overweight (or simply being perceived as such) is akin to being a terrorist? Why is it that in our culture, fat people (and especially fat women) are villified? What is so awful for not-fat people (as all of these internet posters claim to be) about the existence of not-thin people? And why do we, as a larger society, feed into this culture of hatred and allow it to influence the way we think about ourselves and others?

I'm hardly immune. Reading these articles and blogposts and comments about KC, my rage at the anti-woman nature of the majority of the postings is constantly at war with my own insecurities about my body. While I may "tut tut" and furrow my brow in disgust when one particularly eloquent poster says that he "wouldn't bone that disgusting cow," part of me is also worrying, God, do men look at me and think that, too?! I can admit this: if you called me mean to my face, it would hurt my feelings less than if you called me fat. And that's absurd. That means that I'd rather be a thin person than a nice person. How fucked up is that? And how fucked up is it that I can recognized how fucked up it is, and still feel that way? (Wow, that was DEEP, right? Lol J/k).

No, but seriously. Body image and weight control and obesity are totally out of control in America, we all get that. But this hatred that people feel for others based solely on their BMI...it's taken us to a place where we are saying that obesity isn't just a problem - it's a sin. If you're fat, you're not just fat - you're bad. And if you're a fat woman? You're not just gross and unattractive to men - you're evil. Don't believe me? "The Superficial" guy compared KC to a flesh-eating monster last week. A flesh-eating monster. Yeah, we're doing real well, America.