Windbreaker Pants

About a third of my mornings, I take a later shuttle (meaning it leaves after 7 am) to work, and whenever I do I inevitably encounter Windbreaker Pants Couple.

Windbreaker Pants Couple are, as you may have guessed, in a relationship.  A very close and publicly displayed relationship.  They cuddle while waiting for the bus to arrive, their arms linked.  They take a pair of seats in the front of the bus, their heads bowed towards each other like a pair of doves as they share a soft chuckle over something displayed on one of their mobile phones.  They occasionally kiss, the rest of their coworkers looking on.

I call them Windbreaker Pants Couple because the guy only has one pair of pants, and they are glorious.  They are made of (you guessed it) windbreaker material, with a pattern of grass-green and highlighter-yellow patches.  The waist and ankles are secured by drawstrings, ostensibly so he can tighten them to protect himself from the harsh San Francisco weather.  Again, these are the only pants he owns.  I have never seen him not in these pants.

The sight of Windbreaker Pants Couple always raises so many questions, both practical and metaphysical.  Here's what I would ask Windbreaker Pants Couple if I were capable of working up the physical and emotional courage:

• Where did you get those pants?  Are they a family heirloom, passed down through the generations?
• Do your pants have magical powers?
• How often do you wash your pants? 
• Girlfriend, have you every suggested to him that he might want to invest in another pair of non-windbreaker pants?
• I'm in HR; do you really think cuddling and kissing on the work shuttle is a good idea?
• That being said, you guys look really in love.  That must be great.
• Did you meet at work?  Online?  Seriously, how did you find each other?  Any good dating sites I should try? 
• I'm so lonely.  So, so lonely.  No, I'm not crying, there's just something in my eye. 
• Ahem.  Anyways.  So, as an HR representative I could probably get up a donation fund to buy you some jeans or something. Though I guess windbreaker pants would be really comfortable. 
• (To myself) Hmm, maybe I should get some windbreaker pants?  They seem to bring love and contentment and look non-restrictive.
• (To them) Seriously, though, I'm in HR, please stop kissing on the shuttle.  It's freaking everyone out and also reminding those of us who are single that we are going to die alone.  Also, get some new pants.

I swear that one day I will work up the guts to engage Windbreaker Pants Couple.  On that day, I suspect that many mysteries of the universe will be revealed.  Until that day comes, however, I will simply gaze upon Windbreaker Pants Couple from afar, wondering at their epic love and the enigma of that dude's pants.